The Boring Conference | Portsmouth High School

The Boring Conference

This Thursday morning there was deep disappointment as Year 11 feared that the Boring Conference due to take place on 30th May 2020 might be cancelled.

Fortunately we discovered some worthy speakers within our own ranks to hold the first Portsmouth High School Boring Conference online.  The programme we put together includes some well-qualified speakers who have really plumbed the depths of the ordinary, the humdrum and the mundane to provide some very worthy insights into the boringness of everyday life:

Typing Lillie-Mai

Now, for most typing is a routine, a constant sound in the back of your mind. But typing is truly, very rhythmic. The constant tapping provides a sense of relief, while the skill involved in typing to a constant rhythm (that isn’t mind numbing) may seem impossible. Once you have found that rhythm, you realise its vitality in your work. It was when I was once writing an essay I realised the true importance of typing. The constant tapping getting me through the rather boring topic I was writing on.

 Lillie-Mai’s expertise on typing could only have been acquired through a natural musical ear like her own. It would be hard not to hear a clear rhythm whilst hearing her sister complete her programming assignment or her mum typing a text message. The constant tone of sharp tapping made her realise the musical ability of the computer keyboard

Traffic jams Olivia

I was once sitting in the car; it was a dreary, gloomy day. We were yet again in traffic.

When you are in traffic you see all the different types of cars with all the people who own them inside of them for a longer period of time to if you were driving. I couldn’t believe that all the people in their cars actually suited their car that they were driving. They seemed to all have a strong connection with their cars.

Most people however, looked stressed or bored as they were stuck in a long line of traffic that was not moving. I believe traffic had increased in the last decade, bigger population and thus more cars. In my area a few years ago you could drive from my home and into town in a matter of ten minutes, now it can take up to twenty five minutes which in my opinion is a bit ridiculous!

Many people sit in traffic jams but only Olivia is the expert on traffic. Olivia has sat in so many traffic jams she could write a song on traffic! Olivia doesn’t even drive a car, and yet she has so much experience being the passenger.

TV Advertisements Anisa

You will all have watched TV, a good hour long, 60 minute show, from 1700 hours to 1800. And during that time, there would have been a break, multiple breaks. In fact, four breaks if you have watched an hour long show. They last 210 seconds each. Disclaimer- this is literal configuration of data, how long these advertisements feel are not included. Thus, in actuality, you were not watching a 60 minute show but actually a 46-47 minute one. However, it is essential that we have these breaks, as our eyes do need a break from our blue screens of course. So, now you’ll proceed to watch, on your TV, a life insurance advert when you’re 16.

Frankly, Anisa’s subject knowledge on beguiling TV advertisements is exponential. Not once, since the Big Bang, has she ever been irked as much as she was when her show was being disrupted. And so, she has been compelled to invest arduous minutes, researching and scrutinising through her infallible sources, such as Wikipedia.

People who say they are bored Jemima

They all exist, living their days out with a dull blur of empty passions. They are the conventionally “all right” people that complain when others pour out their energies into things they love to do or talk about. One wouldn’t have the slightest problem with these people if they didn’t drag others down with them with their favourite sentence “I’m bored.” The thing about this revolutionary combination of words is that they depict the creator in such a way that bites them in the back side. Well, you know what they say: Only boring people get bored.

Jemima’s inspiration was first sparked at a very young age when her father would state that “only boring people get bored”.  As a child to be told you’re boring is the height of insults. This saying would stick with her for years and she’d later use it on him. Despite the satisfaction of seeing the shock that it inflicted on him, she pledged to never live a boring life, even if it was in her own head.

Standing in queues Zosia

Who enjoys that? It is something most people do most days, yet it is thought to be completely boring. But if we find it so boring, why do we do it? Think about it. We stand in queues to get what we want. A ride or some shopping, it’s all the same. Queues are a vital part of our mundane lives and if we didn’t have them, we would be used to getting what we want too quickly. Let’s take a queue in an airport for example, we need it to keep people in order, but it would ensue chaos if everyone thought they could get slightly closer to boarding the plane. This teaches people the valuable life lesson of patience, something a lot of people could do with.

Well, Zosia stands in a lot of queues, what can she say? At the shops, in the lunch queue, the airport – they all merge into one. Oftentimes she will stand in said queue for longer than expected as a person will take advantage of her extremely good nature to stand in front of her, and probably a few others. She thinks that perhaps these are the people that would really benefit from standing longer in these queues…

Pencil Erasers Naomi

Nothing fascinates me more than a pencil eraser. This could be the difference between writing the wrong and the right answer in a test. Erasers tend to be underestimated. But imagine being able to write whatever you want and get away with it because you can pretend it was never there. Although a rubber can erase your mistakes, it does have limits to its power. You can only remove the mistakes you make with a pencil (except with erasable pens), and even with a pencil, you cannot fully get rid of pencil markings when you press too hard.

Naomi is an expert in the nature of pencil erasers because their sole purpose in life is to erase mistakes, and all she does in life is make mistakes. From making mistakes so often she has been able to observe and analyse how her mistakes get erased so successfully. Words cannot describe how many mistakes she has made but she has always been able to count on erasers to remove them. However, they always betray her when she makes a mistake in pen.

Adverts  Lily

Adverts- the most successful interrupters. These dreaded and hated surprises almost always take you off guard right when you’re most invested in a plot on TV. It’s snatched from under you! And the worst thing is many of us have seen these adverts so many times we could recite them. Now, the interesting part of this is- that’s exactly what the businesses want you to do…

Many a time Lily has spent reaching out to the TV in utter shock that she could be betrayed like this, right in the middle of “Little Britain”. It can be confidently said that she is the expert on adverts.

Watching Water Boil Kristin

Boiling organic matter is a way in which humans have enabled themselves to obtain nutrition in a relatively safe and edible manner. It’s cheap and effective. The only downside is the wait, and even that in itself can be entertaining. At the bottom of the cooking vessel, tiny bubbles form to indicate the beginning of a simmer. Each one swims up with every passing change in degree.

Kristin’s qualifications in water boiling are second to none. Potatoes, pasta, soup; for the past 10 years of her life she has trained in front of the gas burner. Those thousands of hours have made Kristin who she is today.